Pull Me Through
by Abooklovers-heaven
Summary: It has been months since the dropship has been sent to the ground and with no help from the ark they have been barely surviving. It fell to Clarke and Bellamy to lead them and somewhere along the way they fell in love. But is it enough to keep their demons at bay and keep them all safe?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Bellarke and 100 fic, so I hope you like**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own the 100, unfortunately**

"I can't do it anymore Bell, the constant attacks, the constant death. I feel like I'm drowning. I have blood on my hands, I have killed and it's killing me." Clarke sobbed as she stood over her makeshift basin in the dropship, scrubbing at her hands furiously trying to get the blood off her hands from her last patient.

She had her back to the door but she knew that he was there, he was always there when she needed him. At first she had hated him, he called her princess and tried to take control over everything. But over the last few months she had felt drawn to him. No matter how much they seemed to hate each other he always came through for her and for everyone else. They even had managed to co-lead. And now, standing here, both having somehow managed to take a step together, her admissions slowly tearing Bellamy up on the inside.

"Baby it's gonna be okay" Bellamy reassured rushing over to her side and rubbing the excess blood off of her hands. It killed him to see her like this, slumping over the tub of water furiously scrubbing her hands raw trying to get it off, crying out her emotions. Yes they had only known each other for a short amount of time, it was like something had been ignited deep within him when he was around her. She made him feel better after whatever horrors they had faced that particular day. Now it was his turn. "Hey, look at me, we have all done things that we are not proud of, but never ever feel like you are alone in this."

She looked up at him through her tear stained eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her head in his chest. This is the placed she felt safest on this whole damn planet, in his arms. "I-I need to get out of here, there is too much blood." She whispered in admission, not one to usually express her weakness

"Come on, let's go back to the tent" Bellamy responded, lightly pulling her towards the exit of the dropship and towards their tent, situated at the back of the camp. Once they were inside Bellamy immediately pulled her towards the makeshift bed and pushed her gently down so she was lying down. "Come on, you should get some sleep" he mentioned pulling the blanket over her curled up form. "I'll be right here with you the entire time" he added when he saw her slightly panicked expression.

It was no secret to this camp that some of the 100 had nightmares due to the endless horrors that they seemed to be encountering on this godforsaken land. But both Clarke and Bellamy suffered them worse than anyone else. They had to make the hard decisions, who to kill and who to save. Between them both they had killed more people than everyone else in total, and they haunted them. Every night they were both waking up to one or the others screams. It was no way to live.

* * *

"Bellamy, we need more food, some of our stores are running out" One of the hundred, who was on breakfast this morning, reported to Bellamy early the next morning on seconds after he had exited his tent. Nothing like starting off the morning with a delegation.

"Okay, first, wait another hour before going out so there are plenty of people awake in the camp then, take two teams of four, get supplies, be back before dark or we are closing the gates for the night. Got it?" the male co-leader delegated to Fox was it. It was too early in the morning to pay any attention. And he barely got any sleep last night, so he was running on empty.

"Understood." She responded before heading off to wake up others.

After standing outside for a few moments he headed back inside to wake up Clarke. As much as he wanted to let her sleep they needed to make use of what daylight they had. Being only the very start of winter, it was still warm enough during the night that there was still food and supplies out there and to be honest they needed all that they could get. "Clarke you got to get up" Bellamy whispered as he gently shook her awake.

"Mmmmmmm I'm awake" she mumbled flipping onto her side so she could squint up at Bell.

"Yeah 'cos you look so awake" he scoffed back at her humour tainting his tone.

"Yeah you trying to wake up looking good when you have long hair and after crying yourself to sleep and having next to no sleep" she retorted with a smile, feeling anything but like smiling. But once again he always made her smile.

"Yeah I guess your right" he relented with a kiss on her forehead and standing up to re-exit the tent "and by the way princess, I expect that not too distant future I will have long hair, you know due to the lack of scissors and stuff. Anyway up and atom, busy day, we get to go scouting for more medical supplies oh and breakfast will be ready soon"

"Awesome" She yelled back at him, sarcasm lacing her voice. But in all seriousness she knew how dangerous it was to be creeping around the woods especially with the countless grounders that were out there.

After she had made herself presentable she exited the tent and was immediately bombarded by questions from her fellow people. Seriously these people would lose their heads if it wasn't attached. They seriously could not live a day without her and Bellamy. It was kind of nice to be wanted though, that even for all of the horrible things that they have had to do, they still look up to you for instruction. Bellamy and I hold their lives in our hands.

"Clarke, we are running low on certain medicinal supplies" Octavia mentioned as they were sitting down for breakfast that morning. On more than one occasion she had helped her in the healing others so that not only Clarke knew how to heal their people.

"Yeah, I was doing an inventory of all our stuff last night and we are desperately low on some stuff, Bell and I are going out today to gather roots and leaves to help" the female co-leader replied to Octavia

"Wait so both of our leaders are going, who is in charge here for the day?" she inquired

"O, we want you to take care of things today" Bellamy interjected before standing and pulling Clarke up to his side and leaving to pack their bags for the day.

 **So what did you think, should I continue please review**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so I don't know how long this will end up being but I shall play it by ear. Also I will mention this now. I don't know how often I will be updating this story as I have several others. Btw sorry for any mistakes, I wrote this at midnight listening to the same song on repeat the whole time. Any who enough chit chat…**

Clarke POV

"What do you mean that you don't remember where you found the roots last time?" Bellamy whisper yells incredulously, aware of grounders that might be in the vicinity. I admit it might not have been the best time to tell him that, but what was I supposed to tell him, hey Bell, come searching for roots and leaves with me tomorrow although I actually have no idea where they are and there is a strong possibility that they are in grounder territory. They are important, those supplies have helped me save many lives.

"Well, there is a strong possibility that I may have stumbled across them while we were running from the fog, it was still a way back and I had enough time to grab a handful of each" I replied sheepishly walking away so he will not see my expression. It's sad to think that this 'banter' we have going right now is the best conversation I have had in days.

It's so hard being around camp, it's a constant reminder of all the lives I have taken and yes I know that I do it to protect them and save them, but that is not who I am. Or who I used to be anyway. Bellamy is the only one who truly understands, I guess to some extent that Octavia does as well but it's not the same. We make hard choices every day and no-one even realises it.

So here we are, stomping around these never-ending woods trying to find some miracle roots that are probably in grounder territory. Yep I've definitely had better days than this.

"Then where the hell are we meant to find these damn roots?" Bellamy asks me, pulling me out of my daydream.

"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that we were by the water at the time of the fog and we followed the river for most the time," I reply with a smirk before adding "I think"

"Let's be honest, you just wanted me out here so we could do whatever we wanted for a day didn't you?" Bell smirked back

"What can I say, you caught me" I say in mock surrender holding my hands up above my head and backing myself into a tree.

"So let me guess, the roots we actually need are really easy to find and you know exactly where to find them?" he guesses, slowly stalking up to me as if I was prey. He brings his arms up to beside my head, effectively trapping me in front of him. He agonizingly slowly brings his head closer to mine and pulls me into a searing kiss. One that makes my knees go weak and sends my stomach into a frenzy. Yeah there is definitely some chemistry between us.

"That...is…a definite…possibility" I pant between kisses before pulling his mouth back to mine and sinking onto the ground with him.

* * *

"We should really get those roots and leaves now" I point out unenthusiastically. I was extremely comfortable on the ground, wrapped up in his arms felling safe from everyone and everything. "It's getting late and who knows what new hell camp has fallen into without us there."

In that case, we'd better hurry then" he whispers back to me, his hot breath tantalizing on my neck, before rolling away and pulling on his clothes. His closeness makes me shiver so, as payback I stand up next to him and begin to slowly pull my clothes on teasing him as I go. I can feel his eyes rake up and down my body before he seemed to gain control and turn away from me, allowing me to finish getting dressed on my own.

We started our trek to the roots in a comfortable silence, holding hands and glancing at each other every so often. So it completely shocked me when he asked:

"So do you ever thing about leaving the 100 and going off on your own?

"What?" I as shocked, to be honest I had never let myself think about it. Because I knew I was being selfish and that I can't afford to be. It's not in my nature to be selfish. "No not really, I never let myself think like that" I admit quietly as he lets mem sort out my answer in my head.

"So think about it now. What is your heart, not your head, telling you that you want to do?"

After a moments deliberation I craft my response, pulling him to a stop and looking into his eyes. "Right now, my heart is telling me to be selfish and to run away from all my problems and to curl up somewhere nice so that I don't have to worry about when we are going to be attacked next or what our next meal is going to be. And I want to be with you, safe. You make me feel safe" I trail off, nervousness shooting through me as I say the last part.

It seemed as though he was staring right into my soul and after a moments quiet he responds "I want that too" and pulls me into yet another mind blowing kiss before picking up my hand again and pulling me through the forest again.

That was the closest we have actually come to saying our feelings. It seems like it is the one thing we have in common, we struggle to open up to people and over the last few months he has been changing me for the better. I am finding myself trusting him more and more than I did the day before. Sometimes I catch myself as my mind wanders to the future. But on the rare times I don't stop, the future looks beautiful.

 **Again sorry if it makes absolutely no sense. It actually turned out better than I intended so yay for me. Please review though, I like knowing what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know, I know, I apologise for the incredibly long wait but i was in the midst of all of my final exams. This will be my last update for a month as i am going away and i won't have any internet so sorry about that.**  
Bellamy POV  
"Clarke, there's nothing more you can do" I whispered into the deafening silence of the dropship "Let him go"  
"NO!"  
"Clarke you have too, there is nothing more you can do" god this was so hard to do, Clarke hates death, especially when she feels like there was something she could do to help.  
"No, I must have missed something, he can't die, I won't let him die… he can't die" she was sobbing now, still trying to get the poor kids heart pumping. I walked over to her calmly, tears glistening in my own eyes and pulled her away, it took her a moment to realise what I was doing before she started to fight me. Crying all the more to be released. God this was literally tearing me up on the inside, this kid didn't deserve to die, it's all the fucking Ark's fault, this is the first time over the past few months that I have truly blamed them for, well, all of this … mess.

"Baby, you have to let him go" I continued whispering in her ear, still attempting to drag her away. "I know this is hard" I continued swallowing past the lump in my throat, "and that he didn't deserve to die, but believe me when I tell you, you did everything that you could possibly do."

* * *

We lay there for what must have been hours, Clarke sobbing for most of the time but falling asleep not too long ago, crying for the life she couldn't save. It was this exact feeling that i hated, feeling completely helpless that i can't do anything. The one where it was emotional scarring and pain. I didn't exactly have to be a genius to figure out what was going on in Clarke's mind. The guilt, the regret and the overwhelming sadness, it was drowning her from the inside out. This time given to me while she was asleep was perfect for thinking. It was becoming adamantly clear that being in this camp was poisonous, the 100 came to use with every little issue, and while they get to live some semblance of life down on this god forsaken land, Clarke and I were stuck shouldering all of the responsibility. It was taking it's toll on princess and it was starting to show.

In all of the time that we had been down I think that while I was lying here with Clarke, it was the most down time I had had in ages. It was sad that our lives had been reduced to an endless cycle of eat, sleep, and directing. We need to get away from this place. Live away from the 100. Craft our own lives, separate from the others. But of course this presents its own issues. What about Octavia? Everyone else would probably die without us here, to be honest.

I must have been thinking for hours, when I finally drifted off into a deep slumber.

* * *

I was woken by Clarke stirring in my arms, her breathing hitched and her sleepy eyes opened and stared up at me. "How long was I asleep for?" she asked, turning her torso so that she was resting against my back.

"About 16 hours" I stated matter-o-factly, knowing that she hated getting nothing achieved in the day. Her mouth fell open in shock at the length of her sleep, even I don't remember the last time I slept that long.

"Sixteen hours? Are you serious?" She asked shocked.

"yep" I replied popping the 'p'

"No wonder I feel so awake" She muttered before reality clicked in and footsteps outside the tent warned us of approaching company.

I rolled Clarke off of me before standing up and making myself presentable for the day. After i had made myself decent I stepped outside the tent to greet whoever was coming to see me and Clarke.

"Morning Bell, how's Clarke doing this morning?" my sister greeted me. Of course Octavia knew about what happened yesterday afternoon in the infirmary.

"She's ok, I don't think she is allowing herself to think about it, it's too painful for her to think about. I mean, she blames herself for the fact that she couldn't save his life." I admitted quietly, knowing that she was on the tent behind me. "I'm not sure i am the right person to be doing the comforting here O."

"Stop that right now Bellamy Blake, you damn sure are the right person, just be there for her, she needs stability and she has that in you. Let her know that you will be there for her all the time, cos' she won't be able to save everyone, even though she may wish she could." Damn in another life my sister could have been a motivational speaker, I thought before nodding my head and retreating back into the tent to my love.

As I said at the top, this will be my last update for a while, however in the meantime, please leave a comment I do enjoy reading them


	4. AN

Hi Guys, sorry for the lack of updates but I am having a tough time right now and I have absolutely no time to write at the moment. I am pretty much taking a break from everything fright now. Maybe later on I will continue this story but I can't at the moment. Sorry


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